Purity...

As i meet more people in my life...
Despite schools,part time jobs and also streets...
The hollowness and fear grow in me...
Stronger and stronger...
Who are trustworthy?
Who are the demons in my world?
I really have no idea...
All i know is: Family members are the only people that i can put my trust on...
Only them will trust me and share my grieves...


How to hold purity of our hearts in this darkened world?
I saw many people cheated...
I saw many people tell lies...
I saw selfishness in people...
I saw many other sins that i wish i do not make during my lifetime...
But the people treat this kind of sins as normal...
If you do not follow them...
You will be isolated and ignored...
I am not going to follow your stupid and silly cheating jobs!
Even though i am being hated...
How i behave recently make me disliked by many people...
I am strict to myself...
Avoiding myself from doing any wrong things that God hate...
Even though many people cannot understand me...


Should i follow what the people say and behave?
I am not living for the people's sake!
I am living for God and myself!
I just don't understand why people can be sinned and they do not aware of it...
I am confused...
Do not know which i did is the right and which one is wrong...
Is the world seriously darkened?
Are the people seriously addicted to the poisons of the world?


I want to hold the purity in my heart...
I always long for children's innocence...
I hate to be poisoned by the world...
I prefer my childhood life...

But time will not flashback...

 Above all else, guard your heart,

for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

I always remind myself by this Bible verse...

How important is it to guard our heats...

I pray for a pure heart...

I pray that God has His wills in me...

Guard my heart...

And protect me from all kinds of badness...

      

My part-time promoter experience...

Recently i am working as a broadband promoter...

Last Wednesday i received a call from Joey and asked me whether i can join their promoter team...

I have nothing to do and i want to keep myself from thinking all the bad things and feelings...

I said yes and i went to Muar with them that night!

Sounds crazy,huh?

It was such a rush to make that decision...

Not more than 5 hours time between the time i decided to go and the time i left Kluang...

So on huh...

Haha...

We checked in to a hotel in Muar that night...

I could not believe that we actually have to sleep in such a good hotel room for 3 days!

I though we will be staying in a budget room or some other cheap cheap room...

But it was not!

I slept soundly after everyday's works!

No dream at all...

Haha...

During that 3 days...

We were promoting broadband and i saw many people's palms for umpteen times...

"Talk to my hand!"...

Haiz...

Sometimes feel so discourage but it is indeed what we will meet as a promoter...

Even me,i will also try to avoid talking with the promoters...XP

The last day in Muar,before our leaving...

We called it Android balloon...Haha...But it disappeared...><

Branch and leaves!Haha!

Joey with the balloon...

Me with the balloon...

This is the slurpee i bought today...In Kluang...

I actually enjoy talking with people...

Especially those who willing to talk and share their thoughts with us...

I also enjoy looking at the smiles on the children's faces when we distributed the balloons to them!

So sweet and innocent!

By giving them balloons is an action of putting smiles on their little faces...

How simple is this action!

And i enjoy doing it...

I love children...

But not the devil ones...

Haha...

There are 5 more days to go for me to work as a promoter...

Hope i will meet interesting people during the remainder 5 days...n.n 

还是要幸福...

一年了...
希望你过得都好...
有时想起还是会有点无奈...
可是就当作是点缀青春的一点色彩吧...


以后...
要幸福...
不要...
再被伤害了...
对你...
对我...

Tears...

Just came back from a yum cha session with church friends...

Feel nice to talk to them...

Can't really sleep now...

Feelings are stirring inside my heart...

Tears only worthy for those who really care...

I want to cry as loud as i can...

But my sensibility asked me to keep all the sadness inside me...

I am helpless...

I am in grieve...

I just tried to make myself to accept what i am facing now...

But seems like things went wrong...

Am i to blame?

Am i the one who did wrong?

God is stretching me like a balloon...

He keeps reminding me how i should do...

But the pain is unbearable...

I am undergoing a very critical period...

I can only seek God's wills during this period...

Because i really don't know who to believe...

I thought everything will be fine after i gave myself sometimes to calm down and try to think and act like a God's child...

But more disappointments came to me...

To pull me down...

To blame myself...

I am an emotional person...

I need time to calm myself down...

It is a hard time as i will keep thinking many things and self-blaming...

Blame myself for acting so harshly?

Blame myself for not resolving the problems in a rational way?

I really don't know should i torture myself in that way...

As i keep adding burdens to my shoulders...

I want to cry...

As loud as i can...

I really want to...

I keep my tears and sadness inside me for a long time...

It's the time to release everything...

But i just can't...

Disappointments...

How silly i am...

I always tell other people that i cannot give my trust to anyone easily since i was hurt by my loved one long time ago...

But i actually secretly give up my trust to some people...

I cherish the people i care and i love...

And that's why i am so care about everything...

I will not torture myself since one does not cherish my efforts...

I will leave and eliminate that particular person out of my world...

I don't mind i only have a few friends with me...

I used to it...

If i have no friend then i will try to survive by myself...

I AM STUBBORN...

I know...

But i thank God that He gives me a lot of Angels around me...

I actually receive friends' goodness and warmness when they are around...

Sometimes...

I rather i am blind or really deaf so that i will not see or listen the dark side of this world...

Many people are selfish...

Including me...

Many people are back-stabbers...

Many people did wrongs but they are not aware of...

I am scare of this kind of people...

Therefore i always keep a secure distance between me and people...

So that i will not get hurt...

Deep in heart...

A deep disappointment is swallowing me...

This is the price that i have to pay for...

For i trusted the particular one...

I told myself i have to treat people well...

Not to harm them...

Even i do not like the person i will also keep a secure distance with the person...

To avoid myself from hurting them...

I will only show the real me and the warm me in front of my love ones...

I really do not know who to give my trust to...

Realities are always hurting...

I thank God for giving me a chance to see who are those worthy of my trust...

I am trying to make things right...

But the darkness of this world is far more devil that i can handle...

Am so disappointed and heartache...

Will not shed a tear for the people who are not worth for my tears...

God is justice...

I already did my part and did my best...

I will leave the rest to God...

Only God knows our hearts...

Deep inside of our hearts...

I should not judge...

Because God is the judge...