我真的觉得自己是那种双重性格的人咯...
一个天使的我...
一个恶魔的我（自卑的）...
有时候会受恶魔的唆使自卑得不行...
有时候又会为了让自己好一点而往好的方面想...
很极端的我...
成绩啊...
之前就是太过在意...
双手抓得死紧...
所以才会喘不过气累坏自己...
现在的我依然如此...
可是睡过一觉...
经过一天的音乐轰炸...
觉得舒服多了~
呼！
飙了一个小时多的高音（哈哈）...
心情终于舒畅了...
有时的我就是钻牛角尖...
停留在一个问题点上...
不停地让情绪主宰我的生活...
好吧...
放自己一马吧...
既然成绩已经这样了...
就不要再自怨自艾了...
感谢主给我有一个傻子的性格...
感谢主让我透过去年的失败学会了放手...
有时候想法稍微转换...
其实问题也不那么大...
只是自己怎么去想而已...
感谢主给我时间去想通...
学业...
我依然会努力挨完这剩下的两年半...
可是我不能保证一定会考好成绩...
但是我必须说...
我真的是尽心尽力去考试的...
读书真的不是我的强项...
依然在寻找到底哪里才是我的一片天...
是的...
现在我才知道原来我城府还没有深到那么可怕的地步...
规规矩矩地低调生活吧...
一直一直这样坚持着...
是的...
信任不能随便给别人...
原来我还是太单纯了...
要开始武装自己...
秘密...
我想会在我心里越叠越高...
弱肉强食的世界...
是不是要有很强的心脏和心机才能生存？
是不是真的要不顾别人的感受才能孤傲的活着？
眼泪盈眶...
很想哭...
可怜自己为什么活在这样的世界...
不喜欢别人揭我的疮疤...
原来我已经活在社会了啊...
原来我已经在面对自己不喜欢的人了啊...
原来很多事情已经不真实了啊...
原来在这个世界上你是孤独的啊...
突然发现原来我找不到一个人来说...
很难过...
阴暗面浮现...
很想躲在角落一个人默默掉泪...
可是就是有人想要剥夺这样的权利...
可是就有人想要揭开这个疮疤...
很害怕...
害怕我又要回到以前的那个样子...
紧紧抓着...
放不开...
我说...
我是害怕人性险恶，害怕任性真实的一面的...
长大了才知道原来我也有这种自己无法接受的阴暗面...
很讨厌这样的自己...
明明别人就没有做什么...
事情也已经来到句点...
是应该放下那些不好的感觉的...
我在逃...
或许距离会让我不去重拾那种我害怕的感觉...
人是不应该太空闲的...
尤其是我这种会胡思乱想的人...
度过了漫长的假期...
天天都很闲...
天天都在反复想着以前做过的事...
说过的话...
突然很讨厌自己...
没想到自己有时也会做自己讨厌的事...
很害怕...
很多很多很复杂的感觉...
是不是之前太习惯孤单...
所以突然有人来安慰，来关心的时候...
就整个混乱了？
很不习惯别人的关心吧...
思索着很多很多的感觉...
一个一个的定位在某一些人的身上...
不想感觉越界...
不想关心越界...
理智地安排一些感觉在一些人身上...
哎...
我真的很空闲...
所以才会去干这种事...
但是突然看到很多现实...
害怕的感觉突然很强烈...
虽然习惯一个人...
可是却害怕一个人时候的胡思乱想...
真的想找一些事情来做...
我爱自由...
不喜欢被束缚的感觉...
我很自我...
不喜欢盲目跟从...
我很懒惰...
不喜欢随便乱动...
我不喜欢就是不喜欢...
再怎么逼我也没用...
我不能承受压力...
太多压力会让我情绪失控...
我有自己的想法...
很主观...
你必须要拿很多证据来动摇我的立场...
我很固执...
坚持的事就不想放弃...
除非我很懒惰...
我很迟钝...
很多别人已经发现的事...
我都后知后觉...
我很直...
只要认定目标就会一路冲...
我很傻...
真的...
很傻...
我很容易哭...
只要受到委屈就会哭...
我很憧憬爱情...
从以前到现在都是...
只是我看见了现实...
我喜欢跟同类在一起...
因为我不需要掩饰...
我讨厌虚假...
讨厌假装...
讨厌别人踩我的地雷...
我也有我的脾气...
不要轻易去试探...
ps:累...哎...
Human chase many things during our lifetime...
We learned,we experienced and we shared...
Yesterday Joey and i discussed one topic that i find quite interesting...
What if God write our future mate's name on our forehead?
So that we won't find them so difficultly...
And we wouldn't make a lot of mistakes that we do not wish to happen...
We are waiting...
Waiting for someone to come to our life and try to live with us for the rest of our life...
If we do not follow God's will,trying to make our own decision without following His words...
We will make mistakes and having those regret in our lifetime...
So why don't God write their names on our forehead when He is creating us?
But after the discussion...
We found that...
If He really did so...
All of us will have a big forehead...
Haha...
And what if our lifetime mate has a very long name?
Definitely our forehead have to be much more bigger than others...
And what if many people have the same name?
Then God has to mention where our lifetime mate come from...
And the personal details will fill our forehead...
Kinda interesting and funny,right?
I wondered...
Is it get into a relationship is God's will to let us learn and experience something through the relationship?
So that we will not make the same mistakes when we really meet our lifetime mate?
Erm...
I think yes...
Maybe He really wants me to learn to speak out my feeling rather than being hurt in the silence...
I was wondering is it a right decision for me to end this relationship...
Suddenly i feel...
It's the time to stop everything since He reminds me through the people around me...
The book,the feeling being hurt...
And also what actually i want for the rest of my life...
God knows everything...
He knows my limit of being stressed...
He knows what actually suitable for me...
Now,it's the time for me to surrender everything to Him...
The sadness,our future,our heart and many many more...
Everything has to back to God's will...
I willing to live under His will...
Follow His steps...
And i believe i will have a totally different life from now...
Trying to learn more about God...
Surrender everything to Him...
He will definitely listen to us...
Our mighty and caring God...
