I am supposed to sleep now... Feel so lost after plan changed... My mind is very tired... But i just do not want to sleep... I know my health condition... Pimples on the face and back are the evidence to ask me to sleep early... But i just can't help it...
Many things lead to my insomnia... I am a thinker... Think here and there... Therefore i will think too much and worry myself for something does not exist... This is not the first time i found out i did silly things and said silly words when i am unconscious... Sometimes i do not know what i trying to express... Especially when i am exhausted... I just cannot think but i will utter something that surprise others and also myself... I feel regret and self-blaming after i think back everything... Memories are hurt... In some manners haunting me and drag me out from my fantasy... Reminds me to be careful in everything... I hate regret... But regret teaches us many lessons that we should learn during our lifetime...
Sometimes i really wish that i can forget those bad memories... Therefore i threw away all the things that will trap me in the memories... This action is quite extreme i know... But this is the way i keep myself from recalling all the sad memories... Human can't really remember the little insignificant things... Unless we are reminded... So please do not remind me of those things... Just let the memories vanish themselves...
But sometimes what we choose to forget may not follow our wills... Some wounds will not disappear and will stay permanently on our hearts... How i wish i can forget all these wounds... How i wish i can delete the memories that i do not want... But the memories are not data... I cannot delete or format...
Sometimes i wish i can remember every moment of the happy moments... To take pictures,to write diaries... But something will just being forgotten unawarely... The memories just slipped away... I want to catch everything that is perfect to me... But i cannot... No matter how much i catch they will just slip away...
It is contradicting... Maybe i should just let it be... We just cannot help to catch everything that we want... I am learning to let go the things that i cannot give up... The feelings...The pain... The day when i am not care that means i already pass through the hardest period... And i am waiting for the arrival of the day...
I love the tranquility of the night... It calms me down... However sometimes i just can't bear the loneliness which swallows me in the silence... So i used to listen to music as i will feel like i am not alone...
Time passes through very fast during night time... It is 2.03am now... I just finished doing my works... Hate to see things losing control... Hate to see problems... I have to get everything done... Let everything walks in the correct paths... Lord,please help me to get through all the challenges that You had given to me... I willing to put myself aside and to follow Your way... I just hope that everything can be done before school starts... But Lord,do as You wish... I hand over everything on Your Mighty Hands...
I wonder is it because of i always awake in the midnight... Therefore my digestive system is a bit malfunction? Keep having windy stomach recently... Although i keep saying i want to sleep early for my skin's sake... But i just can't resist the peace of the night... Night is my time... I prefer work during night time... My mind is clearer...
It is the beginning of October... That means holidays is going to end... I cherish the time when i am in Kluang with my family... And all the yum cha sessions with different people... Talking and drinking... This is the attitude of life of Kluang-ers!Haha...
What time will i go to sleep this morning? I wonder...
