Tears...

Just came back from a yum cha session with church friends...

Feel nice to talk to them...

Can't really sleep now...

Feelings are stirring inside my heart...

Tears only worthy for those who really care...

I want to cry as loud as i can...

But my sensibility asked me to keep all the sadness inside me...

I am helpless...

I am in grieve...

I just tried to make myself to accept what i am facing now...

But seems like things went wrong...

Am i to blame?

Am i the one who did wrong?

God is stretching me like a balloon...

He keeps reminding me how i should do...

But the pain is unbearable...

I am undergoing a very critical period...

I can only seek God's wills during this period...

Because i really don't know who to believe...

I thought everything will be fine after i gave myself sometimes to calm down and try to think and act like a God's child...

But more disappointments came to me...

To pull me down...

To blame myself...

I am an emotional person...

I need time to calm myself down...

It is a hard time as i will keep thinking many things and self-blaming...

Blame myself for acting so harshly?

Blame myself for not resolving the problems in a rational way?

I really don't know should i torture myself in that way...

As i keep adding burdens to my shoulders...

I want to cry...

As loud as i can...

I really want to...

I keep my tears and sadness inside me for a long time...

It's the time to release everything...

But i just can't...